Friday, December 31, 2010

Out With The Old....

This is the time of year where everyone makes New Year's Resolutions and says "Out with the old and in with the new!" I have never been one to make a New Year's Resolution. They always seemed silly to me to build yourself up on something that you want to do but then not follow through with it. God has really enlightened me this year on what my growths need to be.

He wants me to know Him personally. Not just on a church level or public level. He wants me to know Him the way He knows me. I have been trying to find Him for a while but what I failed to notice is that I have been looking in all the wrong places. Friends, churches, books, internet.... You name it and I have tried to find Him. He has been with me this whole time.

In my Sunday school class we have been doing a study on the many names of God. The one thing that we keep coming back to is how our lives are a journey. A long road of ups and downs that we must push through in order to learn the lessons that Gos wants us to learn. Everyones lessons are different since everyone is going through their own problems. Sometimes we don't learn our lesson at the end so instead of going along the path to get closer to Him, we have to take another lap around the rink. After doing this a few times it gets to be exhausting. I know I am tired of taking my lap around trying to "find Him." I am not quite ready yet to day that I have learned that lesson yet but I feel I have finally broken through the "searching" part. I can finally start to hear Him teach me what He wants me to hear and now it is my responsibility to listen or He will have me take another lap.

My personal journey with God has been short so far and I know He knows me more than I know myself. He knows I am stubborn, and that I like to try to do things my own way but I feel Him guiding my heart towards the listening part. One day I will get it and I feel great knowing that He has complete confidence that I will one day too!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

How God Has Moved...

Sometimes God sits on your shoulder and gently guides you in the direction that he wants you to go. Other times, He stands on your head and jumps on you sternly telling you to go the way He wants you to. And you know exactly when He is jumping on you because you really feel a conviction if you start going in the wrong direction. The further you go in the wrong direction the more He jumps and the sterner He gets with His wishes. At least I know know this is how He works with me.

These past couple months have been a roller coaster ride. We had our son, born September 3, 2010. His name is Logan. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) after he was born. We were out at the hospital every day that he was there. I remember crying to God, asking and pleading to Him why this happen to us. This was not what we had planned. We had planned on bringing him home straight from the hospital after he was born. We had planned on taking him to get his 2 week pictures done like we did with Carly. We had planned a lot of stuff but we certainly didn't plan to have him in NICU for 2 weeks.

It wasn't until recently, and when I say recently like in the past week, that I have been thinking back to that time. Our son did come home 14 days after he was born. We did finally get his pictures done. But not once did I thank God for the time that Logan spent in the NICU. I have been entirely ungrateful for what we went through. Instead of leaning on Him and trusting Him with my son's life, I turned my back on Him and did not trust in what HIS plan was. God had all this happen for a reason.

Those of you that really know me, know that I have very VERY little patience. It is definatly my short fall and I really do know it. I have asked several of you at various times to pray for patience for me. Repeatedly I have asked God to give me patience. But for some reason, it just wasn't happening. I think that the time that Logan spent in the NICU was a very serious lesson for me on patience. God allowed my son to be in the NICU to prove a point that I needed to trust in Him and allow Him to do what His plans was, not ours. He really made His point with me this year in that regards. Trust me, I am still impatient and lose it sometimes, but in those moments He gently reminds me that I still have my son and He allowed him to come home to be with him family. How lucky am I?

I have also learned that praying doesn't have to be anything extenssive. I always thought that when I prayed to Him I had to follow a procedure on how to pray to Him. Otherwise, He would refuse it and see it as insignificant. That is so not the truth! I find myself daily just crying out HELP! PLEASE! THANK YOU! That is all that He needs sometimes is to know that you need Him because He doesn't need us. And when I do come to him to pray it is very informal. I don't have to say any Hail Marys or anything like that. As long as it come from my heart and I am sincere then He will be listening.

It's sad that it took me this long to realize that my son being in NICU was actually a test of faith and patience from Him but I am glad I finally realized it. I am happy that He convicts me when I am in the wrong because that lets me know that He loves me and wants me to be closer to Him. I want to set a good example for my children so that they can choose Him when it is the right time for them. I only hope that I can answer their questions when they ask me, but I know I can fall back on God and He will give me the answers.

Where God Leads Us...

Welcome to the new blog! This time I am going to be taking an entirely different approach to blogging. In my previous blog, I noticed I focused a lot of attention on my wants, my needs and my life. But I have realized that this life isn't all about me. Just under the roof I have over my head are three other people who I live for and grow for. This blog is for them as well as for all my friends and family who inspire me. My hopes for this blog is that I can learn to appreciate the little things in life and let go of all the pain. I will give it all to God because He wants to take it from me. He wants me to be happy and grow in Him.