These past couple months have been a roller coaster ride. We had our son, born September 3, 2010. His name is Logan. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) after he was born. We were out at the hospital every day that he was there. I remember crying to God, asking and pleading to Him why this happen to us. This was not what we had planned. We had planned on bringing him home straight from the hospital after he was born. We had planned on taking him to get his 2 week pictures done like we did with Carly. We had planned a lot of stuff but we certainly didn't plan to have him in NICU for 2 weeks.
It wasn't until recently, and when I say recently like in the past week, that I have been thinking back to that time. Our son did come home 14 days after he was born. We did finally get his pictures done. But not once did I thank God for the time that Logan spent in the NICU. I have been entirely ungrateful for what we went through. Instead of leaning on Him and trusting Him with my son's life, I turned my back on Him and did not trust in what HIS plan was. God had all this happen for a reason.
Those of you that really know me, know that I have very VERY little patience. It is definatly my short fall and I really do know it. I have asked several of you at various times to pray for patience for me. Repeatedly I have asked God to give me patience. But for some reason, it just wasn't happening. I think that the time that Logan spent in the NICU was a very serious lesson for me on patience. God allowed my son to be in the NICU to prove a point that I needed to trust in Him and allow Him to do what His plans was, not ours. He really made His point with me this year in that regards. Trust me, I am still impatient and lose it sometimes, but in those moments He gently reminds me that I still have my son and He allowed him to come home to be with him family. How lucky am I?
I have also learned that praying doesn't have to be anything extenssive. I always thought that when I prayed to Him I had to follow a procedure on how to pray to Him. Otherwise, He would refuse it and see it as insignificant. That is so not the truth! I find myself daily just crying out HELP! PLEASE! THANK YOU! That is all that He needs sometimes is to know that you need Him because He doesn't need us. And when I do come to him to pray it is very informal. I don't have to say any Hail Marys or anything like that. As long as it come from my heart and I am sincere then He will be listening.
It's sad that it took me this long to realize that my son being in NICU was actually a test of faith and patience from Him but I am glad I finally realized it. I am happy that He convicts me when I am in the wrong because that lets me know that He loves me and wants me to be closer to Him. I want to set a good example for my children so that they can choose Him when it is the right time for them. I only hope that I can answer their questions when they ask me, but I know I can fall back on God and He will give me the answers.
Proud of you! :) It takes a lot to look at it in that kind of light and walk away with God in your heart. As you know, after my experiences over the past 3 years and all of the doctors I saw, I finally set my foot down, prayed about it like I never had before, and knew God told me to not give up-go with my heart, and to stay firm in what I believed. It happened as you know- with finding the most wonderful Christian doctor who performed my surgery. I cannot tell you how it feels to wake up and not feel the pain that I felt for 3 years. God is ALWAYS there...ALWAYS listening. Prayers don't get answered overnight...stead fast in your faith! Remember the bad times are truly a test. Never give up-cry out to him. Even when you feel alone, he is ALWAYS there. Dawn, surround yourself with positive people-don't let negative people and influences pull you away from God. Never do something (that you know within your heart isn't a reflection of you)just to try to "fit in". I've had to learn it, and am so strong in my own skin and in my faith that it doesn't bother me anymore to walk the opposite path of a lot of people that I have associated with. Believe it or not, others may follow your lead! I was lucky enough to move to a new place-it's not always a solution to problems, but it made it easier for me. I looked at it as a clean slate for me. I control what I want on my "slate" from here on out. You can do the same even without moving. Never falter!! <3 you--we are sisters, always, in Christ! :)
ReplyDeletewell amen sister, amen :) <3 He loves you!!!
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